The Waiting...

I think the hardest part of any job search is the waiting.  From the moment you upload your resume or hit submit in an online application... you have to wait.  You have very little idea what is going on on the other side of the wall.

I remember last time I was laid off, the waiting was the worst part.  It caused doubt and worry.  It caused me to wonder if I'd ever land a job in the next 6 months. What would I do if I didnt?  It caused me to think of all the reasons I had been let go, wondering if any of my past decisions had been mistakes.  Why did I leave a stable job for the one that ultimately laid me off? I questioned and I worried... a lot.  As I waited for the phone calls.  I would get a few small hits, a message from a recruiter, a phone screen here or there.  Those would help, but then there would be more waiting... waiting to hear if I was a fit.

This time around, fortunately there was not as much waiting involved.  I posted my resume and the very next day I was getting calls.  I really had no time to even think about what I wanted, or what my requests for salary were.

There was some wait here and there, waiting for the first offer, waiting for the onsite interview, wondering what each place would think of me.

But I sit here at the end of my search... waiting again.  I'm now waiting to hear from the final company.  The somewhat unfortunate part is as I put everything to paper to help make my decision, and evaluated all the companies against eachother, this last one came out on top.  So I now find myself incredibly nervous.  Wondering if there is anything more I can do, wondering if I was good enough, how I stacked up against their other candidates... did I even have a shot against someone with any kind of experience.  I want to think so, but the doubt creeps in again.

The good side is that I have alternatives this time.  I have options if this doesnt work out... but it feels a little like applying to colleges... you have your dream school, you drool over their campus, you put on your best face for your interviews, you work incredibly hard to ask really good questions, but you know they only take a limited number of people.  Well in the case of the job, only one of us will get it.  This is where while I often can be, come across, and appear very confident, sometimes I really am not.  I don't know if I will get it, I just don't.