I got asked this question in one of my interviews, and I forget exactly how it was asked, but it may have been something about engineering or professionally, or maybe "aside from your kids, what are you...", something along those lines.
I paused only a moment, even though I hadn't prepared for it, my response was very much at the front of my mind. It was 1511's first year. That felt like one of my biggest triumph's. Not only had I succeeded in founding a FIRST team, no small feat in itself, I somehow managed to found an incredibly successful one. Now "somehow" makes it sound like an accident... but very little that I do is by accident. I worked incredibly hard to create the partnership between the company and the school, I spent nearly all my free time planning out how we would recruit and prepare the mentors and students, I built a strong team of mentors, and I gathered students and help the team prepare for the year. I set a goal of getting the team to World Championships, and we made it way earlier than I planned - I told the kids, just have fun at the first event, get to know what is going on, we will push for the awards at the second and third so we make sure we get there... especially because there were going to be a ton of Rookies at our event. Well... the enthusiasm that we built was amazing, and the team won it's way to CMP at the very first event! They proceeded to do amazing at the next two as well. And yeah... I'm proud of it!! Its often incredibly hard for me to take credit for it. A lot of it was sort of the right place and the right people at the right time... but there was A LOT of effort put into planning it, so much so that I could write a book on how to do it again. So yeah, I am proud of my part in that. I am proud of the kids, I am proud of the mentors, and I was so shocked, amazed and proud that they won the championship rookie all star award.
That to me is one of my biggest professional accomplishments. Yes it wasn't a paid part of my job, but my employer got a lot out of it. Their name was spread all over the place, and would be for years to come. And most of all, I was able to found something that had longevity, that would have an impact on so many students who needed a program like that. And that impact is what I am proud of. Looking around at my involvement in FIRST, it has been a much bigger impact than anything I have done in my career. Sure I was a part of some great products, some great programs, but none of them that had such a large and lasting impact on people and the world as my involvement in FIRST. And yes, I am most proud of that.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Moving on or Moving forward?
Its a rainy morning, and in a week, I will be back to work full time.
Thats a pretty factual statement devoid of emotion. I think as I mentioned, I feel a little tired of this whole thing. Nothing towards my new company. They seem great, and it will be pretty neat to be involved in consumer products that are all over stores and amazon and everyone's houses.
But I still can't shake that I'm annoyed I'm in this position.
Anyways, the reason for the title. This morning I was thinking about two things that have been sort of stuck in my mind. The first is that I had asked my old boss for things I could do to improve. Were there reasons that Bose management chose to toss me out the door, deciding that I wasnt good enough to flex into a different role? Or just things as a PM that I could do better to move forward in my career. Yet she's been really busy, and hasn't been able to get back to me on it. Our schedules haven't lined up for weeks. This weekend I got a note from her saying this week might not be good because she had an interview and then might be traveling. I started to wonder if it was worth just dismissing the whole thing as it stung to hear the words interview. Life is still going on there as much as I wish to hear things aren't the same without me... they are fine. And they are hiring. A lot. It hurts to hear that. So maybe its better to just be done with Bose. I really miss the people there, a lot... but every time I hear of a new job there, or don't hear back from someone because they are so busy, it just feels like another knife cuts into me. So maybe it's time to just move on. Maybe I should cut my losses and not keep trying to figure out how to improve.
An aside: Last week I had to go to an unemployment seminar just to keep getting my unemployment checks for these last couple of weeks. The place that runs the seminars is right on the way to Bose. As I drove there, I got this awful angry feeling in the pit of my stomach. Thinking about the people that were still there, the management that gave up on me, it just made me so angry. I'm still not over it. I hope that soon I can just move on.
The other one that's been bugging me is getting turned down for the Mathworks job. I got myself pretty excited about it, as it was something new and different. Looking back, ok it was a step out of my current trajectory, so it was a big risk, taking time off from the path I had built. I would get a chance to work with a couple of friends, and the benefits and perks were great. Maybe it wasn't as much of a fit as I had built it to be in my head, so maybe its not that much of a loss, but its hard to deny that the commute, pay, perks and benefits wouldnt have been worth it. But what is nagging me most is what didnt I have that the candidate they chose did? What did I need on my resume to be the one to get that job? Maybe its mostly because I was so successful in my other interviews, maybe the failure is what bugs me the most, but I feel like I want to know. I could write to one of my friends to find out, I even had him over the other night, but I didnt really get up the courage to ask. So do I want to know? Will it provide some closure? Perhaps... I had asked the recruiter & hiring manager for feedback, but got no answer at all. I'm guessing I could get it from my friend, but Im not sure if it will be helpful? Maybe.
People keep asking me what I really want to be. My best friend asked me yesterday. I dunno. All I know is I want a career where I feel like I am accomplishing something, and I want more than anything to spend time with my kids. My two year old is a giant sponge right now, she learns so much so fast, has grown so empathetic, is a great big sister. My 6 month old just cut two teeth, seemed to start saying dadadadada and just crawled 8 feet last night!! Time with them goes so quick I want my girls to see a mom who is successful, but I want to be able to spend as much time with them as I can. I like the lifestyle my current career path affords, and I know that I can be good at whatever I choose to work at. So maybe what I want to be really doesn't matter. Maybe I just move on, find something that fits, and keep going. Maybe my life can be a series of stumbling into good things, and perhaps I just focus on my family and the life outside.
Thats a pretty factual statement devoid of emotion. I think as I mentioned, I feel a little tired of this whole thing. Nothing towards my new company. They seem great, and it will be pretty neat to be involved in consumer products that are all over stores and amazon and everyone's houses.
But I still can't shake that I'm annoyed I'm in this position.
Anyways, the reason for the title. This morning I was thinking about two things that have been sort of stuck in my mind. The first is that I had asked my old boss for things I could do to improve. Were there reasons that Bose management chose to toss me out the door, deciding that I wasnt good enough to flex into a different role? Or just things as a PM that I could do better to move forward in my career. Yet she's been really busy, and hasn't been able to get back to me on it. Our schedules haven't lined up for weeks. This weekend I got a note from her saying this week might not be good because she had an interview and then might be traveling. I started to wonder if it was worth just dismissing the whole thing as it stung to hear the words interview. Life is still going on there as much as I wish to hear things aren't the same without me... they are fine. And they are hiring. A lot. It hurts to hear that. So maybe its better to just be done with Bose. I really miss the people there, a lot... but every time I hear of a new job there, or don't hear back from someone because they are so busy, it just feels like another knife cuts into me. So maybe it's time to just move on. Maybe I should cut my losses and not keep trying to figure out how to improve.
An aside: Last week I had to go to an unemployment seminar just to keep getting my unemployment checks for these last couple of weeks. The place that runs the seminars is right on the way to Bose. As I drove there, I got this awful angry feeling in the pit of my stomach. Thinking about the people that were still there, the management that gave up on me, it just made me so angry. I'm still not over it. I hope that soon I can just move on.
The other one that's been bugging me is getting turned down for the Mathworks job. I got myself pretty excited about it, as it was something new and different. Looking back, ok it was a step out of my current trajectory, so it was a big risk, taking time off from the path I had built. I would get a chance to work with a couple of friends, and the benefits and perks were great. Maybe it wasn't as much of a fit as I had built it to be in my head, so maybe its not that much of a loss, but its hard to deny that the commute, pay, perks and benefits wouldnt have been worth it. But what is nagging me most is what didnt I have that the candidate they chose did? What did I need on my resume to be the one to get that job? Maybe its mostly because I was so successful in my other interviews, maybe the failure is what bugs me the most, but I feel like I want to know. I could write to one of my friends to find out, I even had him over the other night, but I didnt really get up the courage to ask. So do I want to know? Will it provide some closure? Perhaps... I had asked the recruiter & hiring manager for feedback, but got no answer at all. I'm guessing I could get it from my friend, but Im not sure if it will be helpful? Maybe.
People keep asking me what I really want to be. My best friend asked me yesterday. I dunno. All I know is I want a career where I feel like I am accomplishing something, and I want more than anything to spend time with my kids. My two year old is a giant sponge right now, she learns so much so fast, has grown so empathetic, is a great big sister. My 6 month old just cut two teeth, seemed to start saying dadadadada and just crawled 8 feet last night!! Time with them goes so quick I want my girls to see a mom who is successful, but I want to be able to spend as much time with them as I can. I like the lifestyle my current career path affords, and I know that I can be good at whatever I choose to work at. So maybe what I want to be really doesn't matter. Maybe I just move on, find something that fits, and keep going. Maybe my life can be a series of stumbling into good things, and perhaps I just focus on my family and the life outside.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Why are you Haunting Me?
I have this song stuck in my head from when I was in high school/college. I feel haunted by my last job after waking up seriously upset from a bad dream.
The dream went like this...
I got rehired at my old company to do a different job from the one I was doing before I left. It was of course a different building, but some of the people were the same and in my dream it was the same company. I think I had skipped the orientation, but was meeting with people on the new role. I was talking with someone (I think in HR), who apparently had expected me to be doing a presentation an hour later.
It was at that point that things got really weird. The presentation was from my old job. The problem was that some people in the company hadnt gotten the word that I was laid off from that job, and for some reason still expected me to be doing it. I told them what was going on and I think they ended up getting the product manager to do the presentation, but it hurt... a lot. I cried as I walked by the room where he was giving the presentation. That should have been me.
I tried to talk to my former boss about it, but she was really busy and after 5 minutes of talking she got whisked away by one of her new employees, too busy for me.
I woke up dazed and confused and rather upset, but realizing something important. I can't go back. At least not any time soon. I had applied for a couple of jobs there, and even got a phone screen for one of them. I poked around on their lists a few times when I was looking, but now I think the wound is still far too raw. I would still miss what I had been doing, and since that program is still going on, I think I'd end up spending too much thought on what was going on with it.
And I also remember in the dream feeling hurt, and feeling like a second class employee... an employee that came crawling back despite being told I wasn't wanted before. I know that they say layoffs aren't rational, and don't take them personally, but its hard for me to not feel like if I were a superstar that they would have kept me. Of course in 1.5 years (for which 9 months I was pregnant, and 2.5 months I was on maternity leave), was there any chance of me becoming a superstar? Who knows. Either way it was awkward to be back.
I kinda wish I had had this dream sooner, maybe I wouldn't have wasted any time looking at their job boards or writing cover letters or talking/prepping for phone screens.
"What's done is done and I should get on with my life....."
It's time to let go, and hopefully it will stop haunting me.
The dream went like this...
I got rehired at my old company to do a different job from the one I was doing before I left. It was of course a different building, but some of the people were the same and in my dream it was the same company. I think I had skipped the orientation, but was meeting with people on the new role. I was talking with someone (I think in HR), who apparently had expected me to be doing a presentation an hour later.
It was at that point that things got really weird. The presentation was from my old job. The problem was that some people in the company hadnt gotten the word that I was laid off from that job, and for some reason still expected me to be doing it. I told them what was going on and I think they ended up getting the product manager to do the presentation, but it hurt... a lot. I cried as I walked by the room where he was giving the presentation. That should have been me.
I tried to talk to my former boss about it, but she was really busy and after 5 minutes of talking she got whisked away by one of her new employees, too busy for me.
I woke up dazed and confused and rather upset, but realizing something important. I can't go back. At least not any time soon. I had applied for a couple of jobs there, and even got a phone screen for one of them. I poked around on their lists a few times when I was looking, but now I think the wound is still far too raw. I would still miss what I had been doing, and since that program is still going on, I think I'd end up spending too much thought on what was going on with it.
And I also remember in the dream feeling hurt, and feeling like a second class employee... an employee that came crawling back despite being told I wasn't wanted before. I know that they say layoffs aren't rational, and don't take them personally, but its hard for me to not feel like if I were a superstar that they would have kept me. Of course in 1.5 years (for which 9 months I was pregnant, and 2.5 months I was on maternity leave), was there any chance of me becoming a superstar? Who knows. Either way it was awkward to be back.
I kinda wish I had had this dream sooner, maybe I wouldn't have wasted any time looking at their job boards or writing cover letters or talking/prepping for phone screens.
"What's done is done and I should get on with my life....."
It's time to let go, and hopefully it will stop haunting me.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Almost there...
So I think my job search has come to an end for now. My last interview (of my 4 onsites) ended up declining me for other candidates. I ended up declining two of the offers, and just now accepted the 3rd. But it still all feels so weird.
There are times I'm incredibly excited. I think this is a good opportunity, and a good advancement in my career or addition to my resume. There are times where I'm still bummed. My commute is going to increase 2-3X, I may need to be on evening calls with China. I'm no longer working with the NFL. I'm no longer working for the best supervisor I've had in my career. I still find myself comparing everything and just not being able to lift myself to the excited stage. I think honestly if I had gotten the other offer, I might have been closer. It was going to be challenging, it was going to be a change in my career, but the commute was short, there were fun perks to the environment, and I'd start out with friends there. I think I got myself so excited for that one that I just kind of feel let down by that, and let down by being laid off in the first place. I think I need time to process it all.
But I guess with all of this, I'm one step closer to moving forward in my career. In thinking through the options and opportunities, I stumbled across a few interesting points...
1. I really like the front end of Systems Engineering. Defining what the product/system will be with the customer before it is created is my specialty. I like starting things. I like the early stages. I'm not certain I'm amazing at the random R&D management yet, but in Systems Engineering, I'm good at the stage where we need to head towards a focused product.
2. I think I maybe want to head towards Product Management with my career. I really like that it ties long term vision with real engineering. I realized that somewhat early in my career - at Harris I had decided that's where I really wanted to head... and I think as I moved around I lost a little site of that, but its becoming clear again.
I don't know that this new job will afford me that opportunity. But its possible.. the Program Managers own an entire line of products along with the Marketing/Brand Managers, so maybe I kind of will be a Product Manager. I guess I will see how far it takes me.
I also think I messed up the negotiation process. I was too open with the recruiter to start, and honestly when she first called me, I had no idea what I was worth or what the jobs I was being recruited for were worth. I should have locked down and determined my worth earlier. I think the result is that Im 5-10K below my value now, but oh well. Its certainly not a bad salary at all, it just isn't what I should be commanding. I did negotiate and got a signing bonus, and an increase from what they first offered, but not as much as I should have gotten I think.
In the end, I think Im just tired. I was at a company that I thought I was going to build a career at. And now Im starting all over and Im just tired of it. The new company has really good people, and it seems like its stable and has good direction. But Im just not eager to have to learn the politics of a new company. To have to figure out what management wants out of me. To be "the new kid on the block".
So I'm almost there... I at least have accepted an offer, now I just need to get myself psyched up and ready to go again.
There are times I'm incredibly excited. I think this is a good opportunity, and a good advancement in my career or addition to my resume. There are times where I'm still bummed. My commute is going to increase 2-3X, I may need to be on evening calls with China. I'm no longer working with the NFL. I'm no longer working for the best supervisor I've had in my career. I still find myself comparing everything and just not being able to lift myself to the excited stage. I think honestly if I had gotten the other offer, I might have been closer. It was going to be challenging, it was going to be a change in my career, but the commute was short, there were fun perks to the environment, and I'd start out with friends there. I think I got myself so excited for that one that I just kind of feel let down by that, and let down by being laid off in the first place. I think I need time to process it all.
But I guess with all of this, I'm one step closer to moving forward in my career. In thinking through the options and opportunities, I stumbled across a few interesting points...
1. I really like the front end of Systems Engineering. Defining what the product/system will be with the customer before it is created is my specialty. I like starting things. I like the early stages. I'm not certain I'm amazing at the random R&D management yet, but in Systems Engineering, I'm good at the stage where we need to head towards a focused product.
2. I think I maybe want to head towards Product Management with my career. I really like that it ties long term vision with real engineering. I realized that somewhat early in my career - at Harris I had decided that's where I really wanted to head... and I think as I moved around I lost a little site of that, but its becoming clear again.
I don't know that this new job will afford me that opportunity. But its possible.. the Program Managers own an entire line of products along with the Marketing/Brand Managers, so maybe I kind of will be a Product Manager. I guess I will see how far it takes me.
I also think I messed up the negotiation process. I was too open with the recruiter to start, and honestly when she first called me, I had no idea what I was worth or what the jobs I was being recruited for were worth. I should have locked down and determined my worth earlier. I think the result is that Im 5-10K below my value now, but oh well. Its certainly not a bad salary at all, it just isn't what I should be commanding. I did negotiate and got a signing bonus, and an increase from what they first offered, but not as much as I should have gotten I think.
In the end, I think Im just tired. I was at a company that I thought I was going to build a career at. And now Im starting all over and Im just tired of it. The new company has really good people, and it seems like its stable and has good direction. But Im just not eager to have to learn the politics of a new company. To have to figure out what management wants out of me. To be "the new kid on the block".
So I'm almost there... I at least have accepted an offer, now I just need to get myself psyched up and ready to go again.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
The Waiting...
I think the hardest part of any job search is the waiting. From the moment you upload your resume or hit submit in an online application... you have to wait. You have very little idea what is going on on the other side of the wall.
I remember last time I was laid off, the waiting was the worst part. It caused doubt and worry. It caused me to wonder if I'd ever land a job in the next 6 months. What would I do if I didnt? It caused me to think of all the reasons I had been let go, wondering if any of my past decisions had been mistakes. Why did I leave a stable job for the one that ultimately laid me off? I questioned and I worried... a lot. As I waited for the phone calls. I would get a few small hits, a message from a recruiter, a phone screen here or there. Those would help, but then there would be more waiting... waiting to hear if I was a fit.
This time around, fortunately there was not as much waiting involved. I posted my resume and the very next day I was getting calls. I really had no time to even think about what I wanted, or what my requests for salary were.
There was some wait here and there, waiting for the first offer, waiting for the onsite interview, wondering what each place would think of me.
But I sit here at the end of my search... waiting again. I'm now waiting to hear from the final company. The somewhat unfortunate part is as I put everything to paper to help make my decision, and evaluated all the companies against eachother, this last one came out on top. So I now find myself incredibly nervous. Wondering if there is anything more I can do, wondering if I was good enough, how I stacked up against their other candidates... did I even have a shot against someone with any kind of experience. I want to think so, but the doubt creeps in again.
The good side is that I have alternatives this time. I have options if this doesnt work out... but it feels a little like applying to colleges... you have your dream school, you drool over their campus, you put on your best face for your interviews, you work incredibly hard to ask really good questions, but you know they only take a limited number of people. Well in the case of the job, only one of us will get it. This is where while I often can be, come across, and appear very confident, sometimes I really am not. I don't know if I will get it, I just don't.
I remember last time I was laid off, the waiting was the worst part. It caused doubt and worry. It caused me to wonder if I'd ever land a job in the next 6 months. What would I do if I didnt? It caused me to think of all the reasons I had been let go, wondering if any of my past decisions had been mistakes. Why did I leave a stable job for the one that ultimately laid me off? I questioned and I worried... a lot. As I waited for the phone calls. I would get a few small hits, a message from a recruiter, a phone screen here or there. Those would help, but then there would be more waiting... waiting to hear if I was a fit.
This time around, fortunately there was not as much waiting involved. I posted my resume and the very next day I was getting calls. I really had no time to even think about what I wanted, or what my requests for salary were.
There was some wait here and there, waiting for the first offer, waiting for the onsite interview, wondering what each place would think of me.
But I sit here at the end of my search... waiting again. I'm now waiting to hear from the final company. The somewhat unfortunate part is as I put everything to paper to help make my decision, and evaluated all the companies against eachother, this last one came out on top. So I now find myself incredibly nervous. Wondering if there is anything more I can do, wondering if I was good enough, how I stacked up against their other candidates... did I even have a shot against someone with any kind of experience. I want to think so, but the doubt creeps in again.
The good side is that I have alternatives this time. I have options if this doesnt work out... but it feels a little like applying to colleges... you have your dream school, you drool over their campus, you put on your best face for your interviews, you work incredibly hard to ask really good questions, but you know they only take a limited number of people. Well in the case of the job, only one of us will get it. This is where while I often can be, come across, and appear very confident, sometimes I really am not. I don't know if I will get it, I just don't.
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