I am guessing its normal when laid off to feel cast away. I struggle a bit every time I see a job at Bose pop up in my searches. Even if I am not a direct match for them... it hurts a little to see that job there.
Today I think I was daydreaming... I saw someone wandering around with a pair of Apple headphones, and I think it was someone who really could use some good ones - like a cop stuck directing traffic or something. I couldn't help but think, I should give him one of the pairs I have at home... one of the "least sophisticated ones" I have from my time there might be the first pair that I got. Its hard to believe, less than 2 years ago, I walked into Bose and within two days was sitting at my desk, and one of the Program Managers came up and handed me my first real pair of headphones... They were pretty cool looking, not Bose's standard black or grey, but Blue with some cool white spots and green/blue cord. And I won't forget, when I put them in and popped on Pandora for the first time, it was like hearing things in music I never heard before. I was hooked. The head of our engineering department walked by a few days later and commented "looking pretty cool!!"
But that memory was over.
I remember going through their orientations, thinking I would be there forever. I was going build a career there. I went to career panels that pitched how people built their careers, how people made lateral jumps, how Bose often took a chance on people that didn't meet every single facet of the job description, simply because they believed in the person, and thought that that person could learn, they could grow, they could advance. And Bose had certainly built a huge number of employees that experiences like that. I thought I would be one of them.
But I guess that is how Bose was. It's not how Bose is anymore. Quite a number of us, with quite a lot of potential (or at least I think so), were cast away in their layoffs. Rather than reshuffle us, or ask us to take on something different, they decided to just let us go. And then they post even more jobs. There are EIGHTY job postings up right now. 80... 80 people they could not find from within. 80 people that they couldn't wait for growth or adaptation. Yet many of us who were completely bought in, knew the systems, had experience with other places, and even supported the need for change... were let go.
It hurts.
I feel Cast Away from a company that I really liked, that I believed in, that I felt so fully a part of.
Most days I'm capable of moving on & accepting it. But some small memories definitely still feel sharp.
The only thing left I can think is Thank God the NFL season is over...
Monday, February 22, 2016
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Priorities
As I cycle through the grind of the job hunt, and am starting to have to weigh options, I find myself trying to determine how I will decide if I receive multiple offers. In talking with a career counselor, some friends and a couple of recruiters, the question that keeps circling are "what are my priorities?"
Job search websites will coach you to say one thing... to give answers that make that job seem like the idea job.
But the reality is I need to figure out what my priorities are in order to make a good decision.
So here are the factors:
- Time with my Kids: What does this have to do with a job? well, just about everything. My ideal job would be close to home so that I spend less time in the car and more time with my girls. Less time in the car also gives me more time at the job. I also want a job that is flexible enough to give me a good amount of vacation and sick time so that I don't feel bad about being home with a sick kid or taking a day off to have a fun day with one of them. I love that right now I can help get them up in the morning and that my husband and I are both home for dinner with them.
- Location: We moved to Boston area because of the vast number of opportunities in the area, however it is a city and commute times can be rough. mostly to the point above, I'd rather spend less time in the car.
- Stability: After being laid off twice now by companies that were growing, Im gunshy. I dont know how to predict or tell this - no one internally will ever say "oh we are growing too fast" or "nah there is no way we will be successful in two years". But I guess I will try and go with my gut.
- Growth Opportunity: This one is interesting. I've found myself happiest at places where I can imagine or dream of my path forward. It doesnt mean that I have to have an exact plan, but that there is room to grow and move. I think this definitely makes smaller companies a little bit less of a fit.
- Social Environment: I've been happiest at places that I can have lunch with coworkers, that I have people I want to invite to my parties, that we take breaks for morning coffee or afternoon tea time. I like getting to know other people around the company and having resources to connect with for social reasons.
- Benefits/Perks: I like companies that are at least trying to find fun ways to make employees feel involved/happy/engaged. There is a lot to be said for Google's onsite acupuncture, dry cleaning, meals and yoga classes. These aren't necessities, but other things equal, things like this that make my time at the company more enjoyable, and my life outside the company easier.
- Salary: Honestly, this is pretty low on my list. None of my discussions have been unreasonable, and I find myself realizing that even for 10K more I wouldnt take a job that compromises any of my other major priorities. 50K?? ok maybe, but no one has reached that high, nor do I anticipate my skillset being able to demand that. So Salary is pretty low on my priorities.
So if I had to pick my top 3 and rank them right now?
1. Time with my Kids/Family
2. Growth Opportunity
3. Social Environment
Originally I put Stability at #3, but I realized that is so much harder to evaluate and will be very subjective, so in my engineering mind, its a hard factor to compare, and maybe was worth dropping from the list.
This may change as I talk to a few more companies, but I think this is starting to solidify and make sense to me now...
Job search websites will coach you to say one thing... to give answers that make that job seem like the idea job.
But the reality is I need to figure out what my priorities are in order to make a good decision.
So here are the factors:
- Time with my Kids: What does this have to do with a job? well, just about everything. My ideal job would be close to home so that I spend less time in the car and more time with my girls. Less time in the car also gives me more time at the job. I also want a job that is flexible enough to give me a good amount of vacation and sick time so that I don't feel bad about being home with a sick kid or taking a day off to have a fun day with one of them. I love that right now I can help get them up in the morning and that my husband and I are both home for dinner with them.
- Location: We moved to Boston area because of the vast number of opportunities in the area, however it is a city and commute times can be rough. mostly to the point above, I'd rather spend less time in the car.
- Stability: After being laid off twice now by companies that were growing, Im gunshy. I dont know how to predict or tell this - no one internally will ever say "oh we are growing too fast" or "nah there is no way we will be successful in two years". But I guess I will try and go with my gut.
- Growth Opportunity: This one is interesting. I've found myself happiest at places where I can imagine or dream of my path forward. It doesnt mean that I have to have an exact plan, but that there is room to grow and move. I think this definitely makes smaller companies a little bit less of a fit.
- Social Environment: I've been happiest at places that I can have lunch with coworkers, that I have people I want to invite to my parties, that we take breaks for morning coffee or afternoon tea time. I like getting to know other people around the company and having resources to connect with for social reasons.
- Benefits/Perks: I like companies that are at least trying to find fun ways to make employees feel involved/happy/engaged. There is a lot to be said for Google's onsite acupuncture, dry cleaning, meals and yoga classes. These aren't necessities, but other things equal, things like this that make my time at the company more enjoyable, and my life outside the company easier.
- Salary: Honestly, this is pretty low on my list. None of my discussions have been unreasonable, and I find myself realizing that even for 10K more I wouldnt take a job that compromises any of my other major priorities. 50K?? ok maybe, but no one has reached that high, nor do I anticipate my skillset being able to demand that. So Salary is pretty low on my priorities.
So if I had to pick my top 3 and rank them right now?
1. Time with my Kids/Family
2. Growth Opportunity
3. Social Environment
Originally I put Stability at #3, but I realized that is so much harder to evaluate and will be very subjective, so in my engineering mind, its a hard factor to compare, and maybe was worth dropping from the list.
This may change as I talk to a few more companies, but I think this is starting to solidify and make sense to me now...
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
You have a great resume!
As I've moved forward in my career, and interviewed a lot of places, I've heard this one a number of times: "You have a very impressive resume!"
I have to say I've never really known exactly how to respond to this. When I was younger and confident, I often would think or maybe even say "Well I've been fortunate enough to have some amazing opportunities, and love working on new challenging things. I've stumbled upon some of them, and sought out others." Other times, I'd just say Thank You.
And it's true... when I was in high school, I stumbled on FIRST Robotics (it showed up at my school with two engineers playing a VCR tape of a competition on an old clunky TV in the cafeteria). But then I founded my own team (twice).
Through FIRST, I knew of a local UTC company. When I couldnt find an internship with them, I stumbled on the opportunity to intern at their sister division working on Space Station/Suit, etc... how cool??
My first job... I decided to interview at nearly every company hiring electrical engineers (30+ on campus), the first I didnt want to work at, but it would be good practice. Nearly 40 interviews later, I took a job with that first place I didnt want to work at (even after having the choice of 3 companies!)
My second job I hunted (wanted to get into the Boston area), and although I didnt know what I was going to be working on (classified) it ended up being really awesome technology... Third I got poached, and then I got laid off for the first time. That was my first real experience of not feeling wanted.
As I frantically applied to jobs thinking I needed applications in to get unemployment. I stumbled on one at Bose for an aviation/military headset program manager job. I hastily sent my resume off somewhere around midnight, forgetting to format it to the job. I hadnt held the official title of PM nor had any experience with headsets, beyond plugging them into Harris radios. After a few other interviews, it turned out that stumble lead me to an awesome job with an awesome boss... I got to work with the NFL and got great exposure to consumer electronics.
But again, I had chosen a company that was growing too fast... and after early retirement packages and several other layoffs, I got cut in a round of engineering layoffs and found myself re-polishing my resume.
Maybe 5 or 6 times now during this most recent job hunt I've heard "You have a really impressive resume". But in the back of my mind I think "yeah, but not impressive enough for my last two companies to keep me". Though I will admit that is way way back in my mind, as generally I can get myself fired up enough for an interview that I really do believe in myself and I do believe that I really could do any job I'm applying for. But that little bit of doubt is now deeply rooted in my subconscience, and admittedly may drive some of my decisions. I want a place that is stable, but I will also want to make sure that I can make enough of an impact to not just be "the new girl" and be able to be laid off again. Part of me knows it may not have been that avoidable, I worked incredibly hard at both jobs, I think the only thing I might have been able to do differently is make myself more known directly to upper management. In both places I tried to let my work speak for itself, perhaps I need to do a bit more than that.
But yes... I guess I do have a strong resume. No, I'm not sure I will ever really know how to respond to that statement. I guess the textbooks or online sites would suggest saying "why yes, I worked hard to grow in each of my roles and sought out opportunities that would help me do so", and while that is true, it always sounds a bit contrived to me, and I like to be more real, and the real me is often more humble. The teams of people, my bosses and the opportunities I've stumbled on have all helped shape me. I am not content to sit still, and I know if I work hard enough at anything, I can succeed, but I'm not sure I'm ever good at bragging about it.
I have to say I've never really known exactly how to respond to this. When I was younger and confident, I often would think or maybe even say "Well I've been fortunate enough to have some amazing opportunities, and love working on new challenging things. I've stumbled upon some of them, and sought out others." Other times, I'd just say Thank You.
And it's true... when I was in high school, I stumbled on FIRST Robotics (it showed up at my school with two engineers playing a VCR tape of a competition on an old clunky TV in the cafeteria). But then I founded my own team (twice).
Through FIRST, I knew of a local UTC company. When I couldnt find an internship with them, I stumbled on the opportunity to intern at their sister division working on Space Station/Suit, etc... how cool??
My first job... I decided to interview at nearly every company hiring electrical engineers (30+ on campus), the first I didnt want to work at, but it would be good practice. Nearly 40 interviews later, I took a job with that first place I didnt want to work at (even after having the choice of 3 companies!)
My second job I hunted (wanted to get into the Boston area), and although I didnt know what I was going to be working on (classified) it ended up being really awesome technology... Third I got poached, and then I got laid off for the first time. That was my first real experience of not feeling wanted.
As I frantically applied to jobs thinking I needed applications in to get unemployment. I stumbled on one at Bose for an aviation/military headset program manager job. I hastily sent my resume off somewhere around midnight, forgetting to format it to the job. I hadnt held the official title of PM nor had any experience with headsets, beyond plugging them into Harris radios. After a few other interviews, it turned out that stumble lead me to an awesome job with an awesome boss... I got to work with the NFL and got great exposure to consumer electronics.
But again, I had chosen a company that was growing too fast... and after early retirement packages and several other layoffs, I got cut in a round of engineering layoffs and found myself re-polishing my resume.
Maybe 5 or 6 times now during this most recent job hunt I've heard "You have a really impressive resume". But in the back of my mind I think "yeah, but not impressive enough for my last two companies to keep me". Though I will admit that is way way back in my mind, as generally I can get myself fired up enough for an interview that I really do believe in myself and I do believe that I really could do any job I'm applying for. But that little bit of doubt is now deeply rooted in my subconscience, and admittedly may drive some of my decisions. I want a place that is stable, but I will also want to make sure that I can make enough of an impact to not just be "the new girl" and be able to be laid off again. Part of me knows it may not have been that avoidable, I worked incredibly hard at both jobs, I think the only thing I might have been able to do differently is make myself more known directly to upper management. In both places I tried to let my work speak for itself, perhaps I need to do a bit more than that.
But yes... I guess I do have a strong resume. No, I'm not sure I will ever really know how to respond to that statement. I guess the textbooks or online sites would suggest saying "why yes, I worked hard to grow in each of my roles and sought out opportunities that would help me do so", and while that is true, it always sounds a bit contrived to me, and I like to be more real, and the real me is often more humble. The teams of people, my bosses and the opportunities I've stumbled on have all helped shape me. I am not content to sit still, and I know if I work hard enough at anything, I can succeed, but I'm not sure I'm ever good at bragging about it.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Losing a good job is like a bad breakup
I've been thinking about this for the last few days... Losing a job you love is like a really bad breakup.
The Shock:
If you feel like you've loved someone with all your heart, or if you've had a job you really loved, to be broken up with is quite a shock. In most cases you never saw it coming. You were so in love, you just never thought it could happen. Even if there were little issues, you thought surely they are small, we will work through it and move on. So its a huge surprise
Your Future is Unknown:
With a significant other, you picture your future together, no matter if you are in high school love or in love in the later years. You picture having kids together, growing old together, or whatever the next stage is. With a job that you love, you picture your future there... you think about where you will be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years... you imagine your promotions, your retirement party. You imagine all the things you will do with the company. But in either breakup, all of a sudden your future becomes blank, it becomes a clean slate.
The Stages:
You can read numerous online articles and even books on the stages of grief, the stages of a breakup, and the stages of job loss. All are pretty much exactly the same. Some combination of Shock, Denial, Isolation, Bargaining, Anger, Depression & Acceptance. You move through all of them in both cases. I can remember the first breakup that totally broke my heart. It was months before I really came out the other end.
The Comparisons:
For a while, maybe forever? You constantly compare every alternative to your former significant other or job. If you had a job you loved, no one is going to have exactly the same camaraderie, challenge, social scene, flexibility, benefits, location... on and on. Like former significant others, no one is as cute, as driven, as sweet, as much of a good dancer, as funny, etc... In both cases you wonder if you will ever have what you had again.
The What Did I Do? Phase:
Inevitably in both cases you will lay some blame on yourself. You will wonder what you did wrong to deserve this. With the significant other, maybe you could have paid more or less attention to them, maybe you were too needy, maybe you werent smart enough, maybe you nagged too much... With the job, maybe you didn't stand out enough, maybe you were too assertive, maybe you were difficult to work with, maybe you weren't fast enough, maybe you were too nitpicky... You wonder all the things you could have done differently to not be in the scenario you are in.
The Anger:
You start to dwell on all the things they did to wrong you. You start to think about the times they probably lied to you, the way they strung you along, all of the things they said they would do for you and never did. You rage about all of these things in your head, but there is no one left to yell at or fight with. Its over.
The Depression:
You start to think you will never find anyone or any job like the one you are mourning. You've figured out all of the things you did wrong and think they mean you will never be accepted again, or that you will have to settle for less than what you had. You become unsure of yourself and how to move on. You stare off into space a lot, or just want to sleep. You move through each day with dullness, without excitement. You feel alone and useless. You may have the energy to outwardly pretend its no big deal, but inside you've checked out.
Moving on...
With any luck, at some point you finally accept things and force yourself to move on, or maybe a friend or family member that forces you to get back on your feet and get moving. Sometimes you get back "in the game" right away... looking for another "special someone" or polishing up your resume and going on interviews.
Either way... a bad breakup, or a liked job breaking up with you... it hurts, a lot. You can only hope to move through it quickly and move on. If you are confident, you will get to the "Their Loss" stage, if you are not so confident, you will be a little scarred but hopefully will pick up and move on the next time. Either way, you end up a little more reserved in your judgement each time, you are a little more cautious about your choices, you worry that the next one may not be forever either...
The Shock:
If you feel like you've loved someone with all your heart, or if you've had a job you really loved, to be broken up with is quite a shock. In most cases you never saw it coming. You were so in love, you just never thought it could happen. Even if there were little issues, you thought surely they are small, we will work through it and move on. So its a huge surprise
Your Future is Unknown:
With a significant other, you picture your future together, no matter if you are in high school love or in love in the later years. You picture having kids together, growing old together, or whatever the next stage is. With a job that you love, you picture your future there... you think about where you will be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years... you imagine your promotions, your retirement party. You imagine all the things you will do with the company. But in either breakup, all of a sudden your future becomes blank, it becomes a clean slate.
The Stages:
You can read numerous online articles and even books on the stages of grief, the stages of a breakup, and the stages of job loss. All are pretty much exactly the same. Some combination of Shock, Denial, Isolation, Bargaining, Anger, Depression & Acceptance. You move through all of them in both cases. I can remember the first breakup that totally broke my heart. It was months before I really came out the other end.
The Comparisons:
For a while, maybe forever? You constantly compare every alternative to your former significant other or job. If you had a job you loved, no one is going to have exactly the same camaraderie, challenge, social scene, flexibility, benefits, location... on and on. Like former significant others, no one is as cute, as driven, as sweet, as much of a good dancer, as funny, etc... In both cases you wonder if you will ever have what you had again.
The What Did I Do? Phase:
Inevitably in both cases you will lay some blame on yourself. You will wonder what you did wrong to deserve this. With the significant other, maybe you could have paid more or less attention to them, maybe you were too needy, maybe you werent smart enough, maybe you nagged too much... With the job, maybe you didn't stand out enough, maybe you were too assertive, maybe you were difficult to work with, maybe you weren't fast enough, maybe you were too nitpicky... You wonder all the things you could have done differently to not be in the scenario you are in.
The Anger:
You start to dwell on all the things they did to wrong you. You start to think about the times they probably lied to you, the way they strung you along, all of the things they said they would do for you and never did. You rage about all of these things in your head, but there is no one left to yell at or fight with. Its over.
The Depression:
You start to think you will never find anyone or any job like the one you are mourning. You've figured out all of the things you did wrong and think they mean you will never be accepted again, or that you will have to settle for less than what you had. You become unsure of yourself and how to move on. You stare off into space a lot, or just want to sleep. You move through each day with dullness, without excitement. You feel alone and useless. You may have the energy to outwardly pretend its no big deal, but inside you've checked out.
Moving on...
With any luck, at some point you finally accept things and force yourself to move on, or maybe a friend or family member that forces you to get back on your feet and get moving. Sometimes you get back "in the game" right away... looking for another "special someone" or polishing up your resume and going on interviews.
Either way... a bad breakup, or a liked job breaking up with you... it hurts, a lot. You can only hope to move through it quickly and move on. If you are confident, you will get to the "Their Loss" stage, if you are not so confident, you will be a little scarred but hopefully will pick up and move on the next time. Either way, you end up a little more reserved in your judgement each time, you are a little more cautious about your choices, you worry that the next one may not be forever either...
Friday, February 12, 2016
The Big Question
What do I want to be.... hmmm...
So yesterday was a power day... I got up, got the kids off to school with my husband and went out to have breakfast with a mentor (my former boss). I really like talking with her and I have learned so much from her. But I couldn't help thinking I sort of squandered our breakfast a bit. She listened to my concerns/worries and validated some of my current choices, but I couldnt help but think I wanted another 3 hours. I wanted to start diving into the big questions "how do I not get laid off again?" and "what do I want to be?". But breakfast was over all too fast, and I only achieved a friendly chat. I'll have to do better next time.
Quickly I had to get myself back on task... I had two phone interviews lined up (one of which was 3 people long!), and needed to touch base with a third company for a followup.
I nailed the first interview... it was for a Systems Engineering role, and although it is a bit further than I want to commute, I figured I'll keep my options open. Plus the recruiter was merciless. It was just an HR phone screen, but I found myself answering everything so eloquently, so right... despite the fact that I had a splitting headache. Maybe I was born to be a Systems Engineer. He quickly setup an onsite interview with the team. Check.
The second to come was a followup with the company I interviewed with already. I wasn't sure if this place was the right fit for me, so I thought I'd talk more with the hiring manager. At first I really wasnt sure what I wanted to ask, what would make me comfortable... but 20 minutes of thought and I had pulled together some good questions. Nailed that too. I had a really really good talk with the manager. She and I got along really well, and she had some great answers, visions and understandings. I'll still need to decide if this place is the right fit, but I'm pretty sure I'll get the offer. Its nice to know there is a place where I could add value and make a difference.
The third was the three person interview. I had originally asked if it could be on onsite, but they said the hiring manager was traveling, so they just wanted to do the phone screen for now. The first interviewer and I could have talked for hours. He had some good questions that I answered well, and I countered with some good questions that made him think and come up with good responses. The second interviewer is the woman who would be my boss. That one was a bit tougher, she asked some good questions, and occasionally we stepped on eachothers words, but I think I answered well and again was able to ask a few good questions. She definitely seemed driven and could be a good boss if we get along. The third was the director, turns out he wasnt on travel, but maybe he just got back? His interview was very interesting. He had somewhat standard but reasonably insightful questions "what are you most proud of about your work at X company?", "what would you have done differently?", and we walked through my career with similar style questions. I hadn't really completed that exercise in my interview prep yet, but I had done that kind of thing in the past, so my answers were fairly natural even if off the cuff. His last one threw me a bit though. I was so used to his very standard type questions that I wasnt thinking bigger or creatively. He asked "money and everything else aside, if you could be anywhere, and have any job, where would you be with what job?". At first I took it kind of literally... "I'd want to work in Framingham, its where I live and I have 2 young kids so no commute would be amazing" (I could hear him pausing) "and... I think I really like being a PM, my SE jobs..." he sort of interrupted "but you could be anything".... "Oh anything?" There is that big question... WHAT do I want to be when I grow up? But he was asking bigger, more creatively... to me right now WHAT do I want to be when I grow up needs to be tangible, I need to be able to see a path there, and it needs to be something that fits into the lifestyle that I want. But I kind of took his bait, and said "Oh, well, I really loved mentoring high school kids in FIRST robotics, so I guess if I could get paid to do that, I definitely would... yeah... that or a professional chef" I could hear him smile and laugh a bit.
He indicated that he would talk with the other interviewers but that they would likely bring me onsite soon, another checkmark for the day.
But that question still rattles around in my mind. If I could be anything, anywhere, what would it be? I used to be a bit more of a dreamer. Thinking I could follow any passion I wanted. But I've also been practical in my job choices, generally trying to choose something that will help me advance my career, learn new things, build my resume. I'm definitely feeling like Im at the more practical stage right now. I love our family, our house, our friends. All of that is what makes me happy right now. Yes I want a job that I can achieve at, and I don't want to hurt my career, but my job really has so rarely been my passion. My FIRST teams were my passion, the events that I ran, the character MC that my husband and I built, and my kids... those are my passions. My job is secondary. I like being able to achieve in my job, and I like the lifestyle a job provides, but its secondary to the rest of my life. I want my job to enable my ability to live the life I want. Maybe thats what I want to be when I grow up...
So yesterday was a power day... I got up, got the kids off to school with my husband and went out to have breakfast with a mentor (my former boss). I really like talking with her and I have learned so much from her. But I couldn't help thinking I sort of squandered our breakfast a bit. She listened to my concerns/worries and validated some of my current choices, but I couldnt help but think I wanted another 3 hours. I wanted to start diving into the big questions "how do I not get laid off again?" and "what do I want to be?". But breakfast was over all too fast, and I only achieved a friendly chat. I'll have to do better next time.
Quickly I had to get myself back on task... I had two phone interviews lined up (one of which was 3 people long!), and needed to touch base with a third company for a followup.
I nailed the first interview... it was for a Systems Engineering role, and although it is a bit further than I want to commute, I figured I'll keep my options open. Plus the recruiter was merciless. It was just an HR phone screen, but I found myself answering everything so eloquently, so right... despite the fact that I had a splitting headache. Maybe I was born to be a Systems Engineer. He quickly setup an onsite interview with the team. Check.
The second to come was a followup with the company I interviewed with already. I wasn't sure if this place was the right fit for me, so I thought I'd talk more with the hiring manager. At first I really wasnt sure what I wanted to ask, what would make me comfortable... but 20 minutes of thought and I had pulled together some good questions. Nailed that too. I had a really really good talk with the manager. She and I got along really well, and she had some great answers, visions and understandings. I'll still need to decide if this place is the right fit, but I'm pretty sure I'll get the offer. Its nice to know there is a place where I could add value and make a difference.
The third was the three person interview. I had originally asked if it could be on onsite, but they said the hiring manager was traveling, so they just wanted to do the phone screen for now. The first interviewer and I could have talked for hours. He had some good questions that I answered well, and I countered with some good questions that made him think and come up with good responses. The second interviewer is the woman who would be my boss. That one was a bit tougher, she asked some good questions, and occasionally we stepped on eachothers words, but I think I answered well and again was able to ask a few good questions. She definitely seemed driven and could be a good boss if we get along. The third was the director, turns out he wasnt on travel, but maybe he just got back? His interview was very interesting. He had somewhat standard but reasonably insightful questions "what are you most proud of about your work at X company?", "what would you have done differently?", and we walked through my career with similar style questions. I hadn't really completed that exercise in my interview prep yet, but I had done that kind of thing in the past, so my answers were fairly natural even if off the cuff. His last one threw me a bit though. I was so used to his very standard type questions that I wasnt thinking bigger or creatively. He asked "money and everything else aside, if you could be anywhere, and have any job, where would you be with what job?". At first I took it kind of literally... "I'd want to work in Framingham, its where I live and I have 2 young kids so no commute would be amazing" (I could hear him pausing) "and... I think I really like being a PM, my SE jobs..." he sort of interrupted "but you could be anything".... "Oh anything?" There is that big question... WHAT do I want to be when I grow up? But he was asking bigger, more creatively... to me right now WHAT do I want to be when I grow up needs to be tangible, I need to be able to see a path there, and it needs to be something that fits into the lifestyle that I want. But I kind of took his bait, and said "Oh, well, I really loved mentoring high school kids in FIRST robotics, so I guess if I could get paid to do that, I definitely would... yeah... that or a professional chef" I could hear him smile and laugh a bit.
He indicated that he would talk with the other interviewers but that they would likely bring me onsite soon, another checkmark for the day.
But that question still rattles around in my mind. If I could be anything, anywhere, what would it be? I used to be a bit more of a dreamer. Thinking I could follow any passion I wanted. But I've also been practical in my job choices, generally trying to choose something that will help me advance my career, learn new things, build my resume. I'm definitely feeling like Im at the more practical stage right now. I love our family, our house, our friends. All of that is what makes me happy right now. Yes I want a job that I can achieve at, and I don't want to hurt my career, but my job really has so rarely been my passion. My FIRST teams were my passion, the events that I ran, the character MC that my husband and I built, and my kids... those are my passions. My job is secondary. I like being able to achieve in my job, and I like the lifestyle a job provides, but its secondary to the rest of my life. I want my job to enable my ability to live the life I want. Maybe thats what I want to be when I grow up...
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
A Rough New Beginning
Hmm... where to begin?
So 2 weeks ago, I experienced my second layoff in less than 3 years. I find myself back in the job pool searching, hunting, and trying to decide what I really want to do with myself.
The good news is most days I am incredibly self confident. I know I have a really strong skillset. I know that my passion and drive can get me most anything I want. I've founded robotics teams on this passion, I've gotten jobs on this passion, I've run events on this passion. I can get incredibly invested and excited about anything I sink my teeth into, and then I can often get others to believe in me.
But Im still reeling a bit... I still feel smacked upside the head by my layoff from Bose. I drank gallons of their koolaid, and I'm still desperately trying to throw it all up so I can move on. When I joined I ate up their recruiting process... they only hired people that were very very much a fit. I loved their orientation processes - they spent a day inducting you, another day giving you tours of all of the groups and awesome technologies, another day sending you on a scavenger hunt of crazy cool things around the company, and managers gave you super detailed checklists of all of the things you should do for the first month or two. I checked every box, I got involved in helping run the scavenger hunts, I even hired an employee into my group to work for me. The vision and mission of the company were so in line with everything I thought I wanted. I wanted to make a career there. I found myself daydreaming about where I would be in 5 or 10 or 20 years there.
As I dug into the job, I took it on with every fiber of my being. Not only was it a really high profile project, it was challenging, it was something I hadnt done before and really needed to put in the effort to learn and ramp up. But I had a phenomenal manager who supported me, answered all my questions, and gave me confidence to move forward. I started up two programs, one as a refurbishment and color of the current headset, and one for a great technology revision of the headset I was managing. Even when the scope was chopped by management, I still believed in it, I still pushed to get it to new markets, I still did everything I could to make it successful. I found ways to use their process, I found ways to work around their process, I got to know people who could help, I incessantly begged for resources. I planned and replanned and backup planned.
In the middle of all of this I found out I was pregnant. It was a bit of a shock. We had wanted 2 kids, but didnt really think it would be so soon. In my overplanning of my life, I had figured I would finish my major program that I was hired for, and then have my second child. But things happened sooner than expected. So I found myself in the middle of my big program, setting it up to run while I was on maternity leave. I spent tons of time coming up with lists of tasks I was working on, I spent time getting the PM who would replace me up to speed, I spent time writing up issues of things to come... all so my program could run for 2-3 months while I was gone.
Then I gave birth to our second beautiful baby girl. It was 2 weeks early, but I had even managed to sort of plan for that. The Friday I left, I had wrapped up most everything.
Fast forward a few months. I returned part time (2days per week) when my second was 2 months old. I HATED sending her to daycare so young, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I could make sure I was paid the entire time, get paid for my holidays, and I could make sure my program stayed on track. After the holidays, I jumped back in full time. Another sort of difficult transition, it was constantly exhausting... two kids waking up at all odd hours, trying to function full time at work, but I was trying to give myself some room and get back in the swing of things.
And then it happened. The email. An email, seemingly innocent that upper management was going to send someone on a trip for my program... and they hadn't even talked to me about it. A trip that would be my first trip since my second child. I read between the lines, and soon realized that I was going to be part of the next round of layoffs. I was absolutely crushed. I loved my program, I loved my job, I loved my manager, I loved working for Bose. The koolaid suddenly became bitter. For the next 2.5 weeks I had to PRETEND that I knew nothing. I had to pretend to care... all while panicking inside.
I think I put up a good front. I loved my program so much that I continued to set it up for success. Admittedly, as the other PM tried to transition stuff back to me, I resisted a bit, instead laying out plans for its future. Trying to make sure the details would be covered once again when I was gone. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it was all I could do to stay sane. To pretend to many like all was still ok, while I sobbed my way home nearly every night, sometimes crying myself to sleep. To make matters worse, I also figured out that they were likely laying off my employee... my friend.
So many awful questions ran through my head:
- What had I done to be the bottom of the barrel? Was my persistence difficult to work with?
- Should I have said I wanted the other job that I might have had the option for when I was hired?
- Why did I drag my friend into this??
- Had I done too good a job of setting up the other PM to run the program while I was gone? made it look like it was easy so that anyone could run it in my place?
- Why hadnt I done more to broadcast my & my employee's successes??
- Who had made the decision? It was done while I was on maternity leave wasnt it...
Eventually it happened. That day we took it in stride. I cried a little, but we said goodbye, packed up our stuff and headed to the bar with some coworkers. We celebrated what had been and made those still there swear to try to keep our program alive. It was the next night that wrecked me. The questions above and so so many scenarios... did they lie to me? raced through my head over and over. I became angry.
I forced myself in the middle of this to blearily update my resume and get it up online. I figured it would take forever... Id start the process again and it would be weeks of hunting and applying. Within a day of posting, I had recruiters calling and emailing me left and right. It was overwhelming. I couldnt keep up with the leads. A good problem to have you might say... and I know I shouldnt complain. But I find myself with too many more questions...
- What do I want to be now?
- What does this look like on my resume? Laid off twice, are companies going to start to think there's a reason related to me? is there??
- How do I just find something that is stable? Ive now worked for both big and small companies that were hiring/growing, and both laid me off. How do I not get laid off again??
- Can I find something that allows me to keep my family first? reasonable commute, etc?
So here I am... wondering what to do with myself. Several interviews lined up, trying to figure out if its my fake passion or a real passion for any of them... wondering if I know what I really want to do... wondering what is going to be good for my career... what will be good for my resume... what will be good for me & my family... and I am not sure I know how to find the answers. But hopefully soon I will figure out what I want to be when I grow up..........
So 2 weeks ago, I experienced my second layoff in less than 3 years. I find myself back in the job pool searching, hunting, and trying to decide what I really want to do with myself.
The good news is most days I am incredibly self confident. I know I have a really strong skillset. I know that my passion and drive can get me most anything I want. I've founded robotics teams on this passion, I've gotten jobs on this passion, I've run events on this passion. I can get incredibly invested and excited about anything I sink my teeth into, and then I can often get others to believe in me.
But Im still reeling a bit... I still feel smacked upside the head by my layoff from Bose. I drank gallons of their koolaid, and I'm still desperately trying to throw it all up so I can move on. When I joined I ate up their recruiting process... they only hired people that were very very much a fit. I loved their orientation processes - they spent a day inducting you, another day giving you tours of all of the groups and awesome technologies, another day sending you on a scavenger hunt of crazy cool things around the company, and managers gave you super detailed checklists of all of the things you should do for the first month or two. I checked every box, I got involved in helping run the scavenger hunts, I even hired an employee into my group to work for me. The vision and mission of the company were so in line with everything I thought I wanted. I wanted to make a career there. I found myself daydreaming about where I would be in 5 or 10 or 20 years there.
As I dug into the job, I took it on with every fiber of my being. Not only was it a really high profile project, it was challenging, it was something I hadnt done before and really needed to put in the effort to learn and ramp up. But I had a phenomenal manager who supported me, answered all my questions, and gave me confidence to move forward. I started up two programs, one as a refurbishment and color of the current headset, and one for a great technology revision of the headset I was managing. Even when the scope was chopped by management, I still believed in it, I still pushed to get it to new markets, I still did everything I could to make it successful. I found ways to use their process, I found ways to work around their process, I got to know people who could help, I incessantly begged for resources. I planned and replanned and backup planned.
In the middle of all of this I found out I was pregnant. It was a bit of a shock. We had wanted 2 kids, but didnt really think it would be so soon. In my overplanning of my life, I had figured I would finish my major program that I was hired for, and then have my second child. But things happened sooner than expected. So I found myself in the middle of my big program, setting it up to run while I was on maternity leave. I spent tons of time coming up with lists of tasks I was working on, I spent time getting the PM who would replace me up to speed, I spent time writing up issues of things to come... all so my program could run for 2-3 months while I was gone.
Then I gave birth to our second beautiful baby girl. It was 2 weeks early, but I had even managed to sort of plan for that. The Friday I left, I had wrapped up most everything.
Fast forward a few months. I returned part time (2days per week) when my second was 2 months old. I HATED sending her to daycare so young, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I could make sure I was paid the entire time, get paid for my holidays, and I could make sure my program stayed on track. After the holidays, I jumped back in full time. Another sort of difficult transition, it was constantly exhausting... two kids waking up at all odd hours, trying to function full time at work, but I was trying to give myself some room and get back in the swing of things.
And then it happened. The email. An email, seemingly innocent that upper management was going to send someone on a trip for my program... and they hadn't even talked to me about it. A trip that would be my first trip since my second child. I read between the lines, and soon realized that I was going to be part of the next round of layoffs. I was absolutely crushed. I loved my program, I loved my job, I loved my manager, I loved working for Bose. The koolaid suddenly became bitter. For the next 2.5 weeks I had to PRETEND that I knew nothing. I had to pretend to care... all while panicking inside.
I think I put up a good front. I loved my program so much that I continued to set it up for success. Admittedly, as the other PM tried to transition stuff back to me, I resisted a bit, instead laying out plans for its future. Trying to make sure the details would be covered once again when I was gone. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it was all I could do to stay sane. To pretend to many like all was still ok, while I sobbed my way home nearly every night, sometimes crying myself to sleep. To make matters worse, I also figured out that they were likely laying off my employee... my friend.
So many awful questions ran through my head:
- What had I done to be the bottom of the barrel? Was my persistence difficult to work with?
- Should I have said I wanted the other job that I might have had the option for when I was hired?
- Why did I drag my friend into this??
- Had I done too good a job of setting up the other PM to run the program while I was gone? made it look like it was easy so that anyone could run it in my place?
- Why hadnt I done more to broadcast my & my employee's successes??
- Who had made the decision? It was done while I was on maternity leave wasnt it...
Eventually it happened. That day we took it in stride. I cried a little, but we said goodbye, packed up our stuff and headed to the bar with some coworkers. We celebrated what had been and made those still there swear to try to keep our program alive. It was the next night that wrecked me. The questions above and so so many scenarios... did they lie to me? raced through my head over and over. I became angry.
I forced myself in the middle of this to blearily update my resume and get it up online. I figured it would take forever... Id start the process again and it would be weeks of hunting and applying. Within a day of posting, I had recruiters calling and emailing me left and right. It was overwhelming. I couldnt keep up with the leads. A good problem to have you might say... and I know I shouldnt complain. But I find myself with too many more questions...
- What do I want to be now?
- What does this look like on my resume? Laid off twice, are companies going to start to think there's a reason related to me? is there??
- How do I just find something that is stable? Ive now worked for both big and small companies that were hiring/growing, and both laid me off. How do I not get laid off again??
- Can I find something that allows me to keep my family first? reasonable commute, etc?
So here I am... wondering what to do with myself. Several interviews lined up, trying to figure out if its my fake passion or a real passion for any of them... wondering if I know what I really want to do... wondering what is going to be good for my career... what will be good for my resume... what will be good for me & my family... and I am not sure I know how to find the answers. But hopefully soon I will figure out what I want to be when I grow up..........
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